When you tell your child about the operation depends on your child's age and how anxious you think your child will be. It is probably best to tell a young child only a few days before the operation, but older children may need more time to prepare themselves. You should use the ages noted here only as a guideline to help you to prepare your child. You may need to make some changes depending on your child's ability to understand.
Young infants (newborns to eight months)
When your infant is having an operation, you will probably find it more stressful than your child will. It is normal to be concerned and worried about your baby. But remember, young infants usually separate easily from their parents and are comforted quickly by those who are caring for them.
Older infants and toddlers (eight months to two years)
Most children between eight months and two years have some difficulty separating from their parents. Older infants will often make strange with those caring for them in the hospital. Tell your child's nurse or doctor how you think your child will react, so that you and the staff can plan how to cope with your child's behaviour.
Toddlers do not understand time in the same way adults do. Tell your child about their operation a day or two before the operation. Your toddler won't be able to remember information given too far ahead.
Pre-school and young school-aged children (three to six years)
Most children aged three to six years can understand simple explanations about their operations. Since they do not fully understand why they need the operation, they may become angry about it or feel that it is a punishment. It is better to give your child simple information and make them feel comfortable about the operation by talking about their feelings as often as possible.
These children may also have a limited understanding of time and should not be told too far ahead of the time of the operation. A few days before the operation, talk to your child about the need for a stay in the hospital. It is very important that you be honest about where your child is going on the day of the operation.
Older school-aged children (seven to 11 years)
Children between seven and 11 years are better able to understand the reason for an operation and what is going to happen to them. About a week before the operation, talk to your child about the need to stay in the hospital. Your child should be given plenty of time to ask questions and talk about their fears. At this age children may have fears about waking up during the operation, and about pain and changes in their body. Talk about your child's fears honestly and reassure them often. If too much detail is upsetting, give only simple, basic information.
Teens (12 to 16 years)
Teens have a better understanding of what is going on with their bodies and usually understand the reason for an operation. Teens should be included in discussions or decisions about their care and treatment. When you talk about the need for the operation, encourage your teen to ask questions and to discuss their fears and concerns. They may wish to write down questions and bring them to the hospital, or call and speak with the doctor or nurse.
Teens may fear that their dignity, modesty, or sexuality will not be respected. Something as simple as telling them that they can come to the operating room wearing their underpants can be extremely reassuring. They may also be afraid of being injured or of dying. These worries can be addressed by explaining what will happen before, during, and after the operation, and by answering any questions they may have. Like younger children, teens may be afraid of experiencing pain or of waking up during the operation. These fears need to be discussed as well.
Most teenagers want to be independent of their parents, but often when they are ill or under stress they also want their parents' support. Ask your teen how you can help them while they are in the hospital. For example, your teenager may want you to ask the questions that they find difficult to ask, or may ask you to hold their hand while they are having a test.
Children with special needs
Children who have been in the hospital often or have had many operations sometimes become quiet or withdrawn when they face yet another operation. Being silent may mean that the child is very anxious. If this is true for your child, it is important to tell your doctor or nurse ahead of time. They will make a special effort to help support your child. If those caring for your child understand how your child reacts, they will be better able to respond to whatever fears or worries your child may have.
If your child has a condition (e.g., blindness, deafness, or delays in development) that may make it difficult to talk to them, they will need special preparation. Those caring for your child need to know how best to talk to them. Your child can wear hearing aids or glasses into the operating room. These will be returned soon after the operation.