Everyone experiences positive and negative emotions.
Negative emotions can interfere with someone’s ability to solve problems effectively. In fact, people who experience negative emotions are more likely to take a negative approach when solving problems. This is because negative emotions can lead to unproductive worries and self-judgements that use up mental energy and make it hard to step back, examine the problem objectively and find helpful solutions.
On the other hand, positive emotions can make problem solving easier and more effective. People who experience positive emotions are more likely to see the big picture, have a clear head when thinking about problems and take a positive approach when seeking to solve them.
Think of the last time you tried to solve a problem. Did you feel positive or negative emotions? Did your emotions affect how you approached the problem?
Managing your emotions to help you solve problems
If you feel anxious or worried when faced with a problem, positive self-statements can help you feel more positive and tackle the problem more effectively.
You can try using positive self-statements anytime you recognize a problem or feel a strong negative emotion (people often feel negative emotions when there is a problem). The aim is to try to get yourself into the most positive frame of mind and mood when you are beginning to solve a problem so that you have the best chance of solving it successfully.
Positive self-statements
Positive self-statements are short phrases that you can say to yourself when faced with a problem.
Below is a list of positive self-statements that other parents have found helpful.
- I can solve this!
- I’m OK—feeling sad is normal under these circumstances.
- I don’t have to please everyone.
- I can replace my fears with faith.
- If I try, I can do it!
- I can get help from ________ if I need it.
- I deserve to relax.
- I can cope with this!
- I can manage the situation.
- I can hang in there!
Think about some problems you have recently faced. What are some positive self-statements that you could say to yourself?
Example of using positive self-statements
Michael is the dad of a 13-year-old girl with sickle cell disease. This is how he used positive self-statements:
“Sometimes I don’t think our situation is ever going to change. She gets so sick and I don’t know what to do. It’s stressful for me and her. However, I hope things will start to get better for us and I know if I have coped this long, I can keep going.”
Being positive is not about ignoring the problem or the negative ways it makes you feel. Michael was able to state the problem and how it made him feel but then used positive statements to help him achieve a more positive attitude towards the issue.
Tip: Some parents have found it helpful to write down positive statements and keep them somewhere handy so they can pull them out when they need them.