Homesickness

What is homesickness?

Homesickness is a strong longing for the comforts of home or a person associated with home, such as a parent or sibling. It is something that many children experience when encountering new environments, whether that is the first day of school, a sleepover at a friend’s house, attending camp, going on vacation or going off to university.

What are the signs and symptoms of homesickness?

Homesickness can be a display of many emotions that range from mild to severe. Mild symptoms are often brief and manageable, while severe symptoms may last longer, potentially overwhelm your child and interfere with their adjustment and normal functioning.

Most children who feel homesickness experience one or more of the following symptoms to varying degrees:

• Thoughts and pangs of longing for home
• Sudden sadness and crying
• Anger and feeling upset
• Anxiety and feeling scared or panicky
• Hopelessness and feeling withdrawn
• Physical symptoms like a headache, nausea or a stomach-ache
• Feelings of isolation and loneliness or being withdrawn
• Low self esteem
• Lack of appetite
• Inability to sleep or interrupted sleep
• Social and behavioral issues

What causes homesickness?

Homesickness is caused by the stress of separation (or the anticipated separation) of your child from their home. Many children feel the most safe and secure at home, so it is natural for them to feel stressed when their environment and routines change.

When is my child more likely to feel homesick?

Children of all ages, and even adults, can get homesick. Younger children are the most prone to feeling homesick, as well as children who have never been away from home. Your child is also more likely to experience homesickness if they:

• are going through a transition in their lives (e.g., going to school for the first time, moving to a new neighbourhood, attending a new program for the first time)
• are naturally shy
• are encountering family instability (e.g., a parental divorce, a death in the family) or social instability (e.g., bullying)
• have difficulty managing their emotions
• have a diagnosed mental health condition

Children are also more prone to feeling homesick at certain times of the day, like mealtimes, bedtime, during transitions or quiet times when parents are normally present during home routines.

Helping with homesickness

There are many things you can do to help your child alleviate their homesickness, without bringing your child home. Here are just a few examples:

• Have your child bring something from home that is comforting and familiar, like a teddy bear or a favourite blanket.
• Encourage your child to participate in fun activities in their new environment that keep their mind off their homesickness. These could include arts and crafts at camp, watching a movie at a sleepover, joining a sports club at school and much more.
• Make plans to keep in touch with your child. This can be a one-time check-in for an overnight stay, or a routine catch-up on specific days for longer trips. There are many ways of communicating with your child including phone calling, video calling, texting and even old-fashioned letter writing.
• Encourage your child to talk to someone about their feelings, whether that is a friend at school, a counsellor at camp or a parent at a party. Your child will quickly learn that there are many people around them who might help them feel better and many of their peers who feel similar.
• Let your child know you will work with them to come up with ideas to help manage their homesickness.

How to prevent homesickness

Most of the uneasiness that causes homesickness can be addressed before your child leaves home. Below are some steps you can take to prepare your child for trips away from home.

1. Give your child time to adjust to the idea of leaving home. Tell them well in advance where they will be going and what they will be doing there. When your child knows what to expect, they are less likely to be anxious. If your child is going to camp or an organized program, explore the camp/program website so your child can see photos and videos of what they can expect in the new environment. Looking forward to activities and new opportunities may help to relieve your child’s anxieties and allow you to talk about what they will experience before they leave home.
2. Practice life skills and healthy habits with your child. These include brushing your teeth, eating a balanced diet, getting a good night’s sleep, getting enough exercise and finding time to relax. If your child is calm and prepared prior to leaving home, they will be better at handling adversity and more likely to enjoy their time away.
3. Be positive and supportive of your child’s time away from home; let them know you believe in their ability to take care of themselves. It is helpful to talk about all the fun new experiences your child will have so they can look forward to the occasion instead of dreading it.
4. Encourage your child to use positive words and affirmations to help them feel safe and confident in their new environment.
5. Talk to your child about any concerns they might have about leaving home. Talking out their fears can help your child put their feelings into perspective. It will also help you develop a plan together for how to alleviate any homesickness that might come up while your child is away.
6. Have your child practice being away from home for shorter periods of time. This could include attending a day camp (instead of a sleep-away camp) or having a playdate at a friend’s house (instead of a sleepover). Shorter periods of time away from home can help build your child’s tolerance for being separated from you.
7. Arrange a visit to the camp/activity/program ahead of time to help acclimatize your child to the new environment.
8. Discuss the use of social media and policies a camp or program may have around the use of phones. Encourage your child to stay off social media and participate in all the new adventures that are offered.

What not to say to your child

It is natural to want to protect your child from feeling homesick, but some things can do more harm than good. As you prepare your child for their time away from home, avoid doing the following:

• Raising the issue of homesickness if your child has not mentioned it – It is okay not to talk about homesickness if your child seems calm and comfortable with the idea of being away from home. Telling them to expect feeling sad may be confusing or introduce unnecessary worry.
• Expressing how much your child’s absence will negatively affect you – It may be true that you will miss your child when they are gone, but telling them how sad you are going to be when they leave can often cause your child to feel guilty. If your child feels that their absence is hurting you, they will likely approach their time away from home negatively.
• Teasing your child – Avoid saying things like, “Watch out for Big Foot while you’re camping!” or “I hope Jeremy’s parents remember to feed you at the sleep over.” These might seem like light-hearted jokes to you, but they might scare your child or cause them to worry about things that are not going to happen.
• Promising your child you will come to get them if they are homesick – Although this may seem like the simplest way to alleviate your child’s homesickness, taking your child home as soon as they feel overwhelmed will not give them enough opportunity to overcome adversity and build their sense of independence.

References Thurber CA, Walton E; the Council on School Health. Preventing and Treating Homesickness. Pediatrics Jan 2007, 119 (1) 192-201. Retrieved from https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/119/1/192.full.